What Does Hanson Say in Scary Movie?

If you’re a fan of horror-comedies, then you must have heard about the classic Scary Movie franchise. It’s a parody film series that pokes fun at popular horror movies and tropes.

One of the most iconic scenes from the first Scary Movie is when Hanson, played by comedian Chris Elliot, delivers a hilarious monologue about his encounter with Ghostface, the killer from Scream. In this article, we’re going to break down what Hanson says in that scene.

The Scene

The scene takes place in a video store where Cindy, the protagonist of the movie, meets Hanson while trying to find a way to escape Ghostface. Hanson is behind the counter and tells Cindy about his own experience with Ghostface. He starts by saying:

“I was in the bathroom stall at the Union Jack.”

This line sets up the story and immediately grabs our attention. We’re curious to know what happened next.

The Monologue

Hanson’s monologue is full of witty one-liners and pop culture references. Let’s take a closer look at some of his most memorable lines:

  • “I’m minding my own business, doing my business. “
  • “Suddenly I hear something: ‘whoosh.


  • “Next thing I know there’s this big white face looking down at me. “

Hanson’s use of onomatopoeia in “whoosh” adds to the comedic effect of his story and makes it more vivid for the audience. His description of Ghostface as a “big white face” also emphasizes how absurd and silly the killer can appear.

Another line that stands out is when Hanson says:

“I said ‘do you mind? I’m trying to wipe!'”

This line is both hilarious and relatable. We can imagine ourselves in Hanson’s shoes and how uncomfortable it would be to have a killer interrupt us in the bathroom.

The Punchline

As Hanson’s story comes to a close, he delivers the punchline:

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was a crime to take a dump in your own school.”

This line is unexpected and catches us off guard. It’s also a reference to the movie Scream, where one of the characters is killed for doing just that – going to the bathroom at school. Hanson’s nonchalant attitude towards his encounter with Ghostface further emphasizes how ridiculous the horror genre can be.


Overall, Hanson’s monologue in Scary Movie is a prime example of how humor can be used to poke fun at horror movies. His delivery of witty one-liners and pop culture references makes for an entertaining scene that has become a fan favorite over the years. So next time you watch Scary Movie, pay attention to what Hanson says – you might just find yourself laughing out loud.